Final Reflection

This has been a roller coaster of a journey from beating myself up about not being able to commit to something, to realizing that it is ok, to realizing I tried to do too much at one time, and so on.  Although I did not follow through with my original plan, I still managed to reach my main goal, which was to lose weight.  What this helped me to realize is that it's not always about how we do something.  We can plan and plan and see no progress, then one day, something just happens.  This made me think about change with clients and how sometimes, we can try this and that and see no progress, but then something just happens one day.  In many situations, the process is what matters most.  But when it comes to goals, the how is not the most important thing.  What's important is that the goal is reached. 

Woo hoo!

I lost 10lbs!  How, I do not really know.  My eating habits have changed some for various reasons and I do walk up a crazy big hill to get to my bus stop each morning so maybe that has something to do with it.  I have been trying to get this weight off for so long and I'm finally seeing some results.  Feels great!

I did it!

I actually went to the gym and enjoyed a workout!  It felt really good and I was able to really push myself.  I stopped saying what I could not do and just gave it a try.  This was a really good experience, so I hope this trend continues.  I just have to be consistent in pushing myself to get to the gym, then I'm ok.

Cookie Monster

Chocolate chip cookies have been my friend for the past week. They make me feel good and I like them.  I just ate six chocolate chip cookies and I am not ashamed.  I also didn't eat dinner so it balances out, right?  I did a lot of walking today though so I don't feel bad.  The real change here is going to transform into not feeling bad about the choices I make. 

Home Sweet Home

I went home this past weekend and received a lot of compliments on losing weight.  Maybe I am slimming down and I just don't notice.  Multiple people told me that I have lost weight, but I definitely have not been doing anything that would cause a drastic change in weight.  Maybe it's the stress.  Who knows!  But I will take it!

Withdrawals

My biggest challenge lately has been cutting out caffeine.  I have been suffering from withdrawals the past few days.  Looks like I will be changing something else.  I am trying to find a small change that will not be so difficult.  Caffeine is not it!

It's All Uphill From Here

I decided to start taking the bus to class from my apartment when possible, which is everyday except Tuesday.  Then I realized, there is a HUGE hill from my apartment to the bus stop.  I live in a pretty large  complex and I live at the very bottom of the hill.  That is more than enough exercise for a day.  The first day, I was breathing so hard and sweating.  It was horrible!  But this is a way for me to get moving and get some exercise whether I want it or not.

Nothing much from these parts

This week, I can't even remember what I have been eating.  I really haven't been focusing on it because there is so much work to be done.  I know that I have been skipping meals, but not purposely.  I must do better.

Work is the focus...Not food

Today has been a horrible food day.  I started off really strong with fish and rice for breakfast (weird I know), but since then I have only eaten a bag of Cheez-Its and a Twix.  Soooo healthy, I know.  I'm in a work groove and I don't want to interrupt it.  Should my eating habits suffer because of my work? No.  Would I possibly be more productive with food in my system?  Probably, but I cannot break this work mojo I have going. 

It is what it is!

I had the urge to work out today and took a nap instead because I did not want to leave my apartment.  I barely ate anything today and the only thing I did eat was cheap and easily accessible.  Story of my life.  However, I stepped on a scale yesterday and I have lost 5 pounds.  There's a little motivation!

What am I doing here?

I'm re-evaluating my decision to choose dieting and exercise as my change goal for this semester. I believe that choice was a little ambitious with all that has been going on this semester.  As we discussed in class, too much change at one time can be overwhelming and counterproductive.  On the bell curve, I would be pretty far left and trying to change one of the few things that keeps me sane and happy (yes I'm comforted by food) only adds to the stress.  I wonder if it is too late to work on something else.  I feel like the only person that this will serve going forward is talking about why I'm not able to exercise and change my eating habits.  Very little progress has been made and quite frankly, I'm not very concerned with the lack of progress because there are so many more pertinent matters going on in my life.  Time to reassess where this is going.

Plateau

This week has kind of been blah.  I haven't really been focused on my meal plan and exercise, but I have been making pretty good choices.  Between weddings, travel, and the birth of my friend's baby girl, food and exercise just haven't been the focus.  I have been eating sweets (wedding cake and such) but I have cut back on my fried foods and I have been parking farther back.  I feel good about where I am right now.

Feel the BURN!

I am soooooooooooo proud of myself!  I worked out for the first time in a looonnnnnggg time tonight.  I worked out with a friend for a little over an hour.  We did a pretty intense resistance training type workout with a little cardio to jump start us.  I'm really proud of myself for getting started and getting through it.  It was pretty tough, but nothing I couldn't handle.  I was surprised since I am so out of shape.  I guess my will power is a little stronger than I believed.  She simply asked if I wanted to join her and something in me felt the need to say yes.  I do not regret it (although I may in the morning).  I am already a little sore and a little nauseous, but I am glad I did it.  I hope I keep it up because the benefits are plenty!  Go me!!!

Off to a Good Start

So I went "grocery shopping" last night and bought a few things.  The picture above was my dinner for last night.  I think it's pretty healthy compared to what I normally eat.  It was pretty tasty and fulfilling.  While shopping, I also made the choice to buy Nature's Valley bars instead of Chewy bars.  I'm not sure if they're much healthier, but I would think so.  I am making much more of an effort and it feels good!  And yes, I'm drinking milk from a wine glass :-)

Progress

I feel really good about my decisions today.  I first decided to walk  instead of taking the bus to class.  It would have been really easy to hop on the bus that time, but I made a conscious decision not to hop on.  I felt really good about that decision!  Go me!!  Now let's watch these food choices over the next few days :-)

Today, I have not been doing very well as far as food goes.  I walked the dog this morning which felt really good, and it wasn't hard.  Overall this weekend, not only have I not been eating healthy food, I haven't eaten very much food at all.  I went almost the entire day only eating ONE rib.  Not good!  I'm not sure what happened or why, but I know it should not happen again.  Today is slightly better.  I ate a muffin this morning, but I didn't eat lunch so now it's more about making sure I get proper nutrients.  Balancing all of this and school is extremely difficult!

I am Woman Hear Me Roar

I feel so awesome this weekend!  I have done so much walking...more walking than I thought I could do and more walking than I have done in a very long time.  I house sat this weekend which also involved pet sitting, which also involved walking the dog around his normal path of one whole mile.  Doesn't sound like a lot, but it is for someone who does not walk anywhere that far.  I walked him on Friday, then twice on Saturday and once on today.  Also walked from one end of campus to another on Saturday and felt pretty good about myself at the end of the day!  I can do this!!!!

Rough Second Go Round

Now that I am back on track, I am trying to be more mindful of what I am eating.  This is especially difficult after being on such a long hiatus.  (Not that I ever really actually started)  I really have to think hard about what I am eating and drinking and in what amounts.  I feel kind of like an addict who has relapsed and is now trying to recover again.  This is normal behavior right?  I am also trying to make time for some type of exercise, but between regular workload and trying to catch up on things from being out of town so much and all of the different changes, it is extremely difficult.  I just have to make it happen!

Back At It

This blog has been difficult to keep up with lately.  It is hard to write about something when you know you have nothing to really say other than, "I didn't really do this today."  I know that in order to make this exercise worthwhile, I need to get back on track with pursuing the change.  I feel like I'm finally in a place where I can dedicate myself back to my change!

Food Food Everywhere!

In the past month, I have been to two weddings, a bridal shower, a baby shower, and a bachelorette weekend trip.  My experience of these events have two major things in common:  Me witnessing the change in others' lives and FOOD!  Lots of food!  Food that is not good for you!!! And Cake!!!! Lots of cake!! And CANDY!! Needless to say, I have not been following my meal plan.  Who can turn down cake at a baby shower?  The mom to be is already upset about gaining weight.  She does not want to hear about how you can't eat any cake because you are trying to lose weight.  No no.  So I had to eat it!  And everything else there :-/

Client Empathy

The past few weeks have really made me think about my clients and what we as therapists sometimes expect from our clients in terms of change, especially our clients facing multiple challenges.  Change can be extremely overwhelming and slow at times depending on what is going on in a client's life.  I know firsthand how even things that are really important can fall by the wayside when faced with some situations.  It is important for us to be empathetic to those situations because it does not always mean that the client does not want to change.  Change is difficult.  It is even more difficult when life itself is already extremely difficult.

When Change Trumps Change

Change has been the name of the game for the past few weeks, I have moved, lost friends, met new people, learned some new things, experienced some new things, and changed my way of thinking about life.  There has been an overwhelming amount of change in my life lately and I am trying to make sense of it all.  So in a sense, life changes have overpowered the change I set out to make at the beginning of the semester.  How do I fit those goals into the mix when there is already so much to adjust to? 

Too Much!!!

There has been so much going on within the past two weeks that this blog has not been at the top of my radar.  I'm talking some serious changes and stressful situations, so I have not even given much thought to my change goals.  Overwhelmed only begins to describe my experience over the last few weeks, but I am back on track now and finally getting back to "normal."  More to come!

Changes all around

Unfortunately, I have not been very focused on my change lately.  There has been so much going on that this goal has been at the very back of my mind.   I wish I had more to say about my progress and my experience, but I don't.  It makes me think about clients and the work we do in therapy and the work we ask them to do outside of therapy and how we as therapists may get annoyed when clients don't do their homework, but life truly does get in the way sometimes.  Is it wrong to let go of those goals in order to focus on what is happening in the moment?  I think so as long as you pick back up when possible.  That's where I am right now.

Some Days Are Better Than Others

Last night I ate an entire box of cookie dough bites and I do not feel bad about it.  I enjoyed them.  And that is that.  I had a craving and I did not fight it, but now I feel like I can resist the temptation of sweets for the next few days.  Allowing myself that indulgence may be more beneficial in the long run.  Maybe......Today, I decided to walk to a location on campus instead of taking the bus. I felt the burn, but I was proud of myself for not taking the easy road.  Today is off to a good start!

Sometimes Life Gets in the Way

The past week has been full of twists and turns and several different events that have not been very helpful or conducive to change.  I went out of town for a wedding and also went home to visit family.  Not only did I not eat great foods, I did not eat very much at all, which is also a bad thing.  There were two days where I only ate once that day and did not eat a very good meal.  Between that and wedding cake, my changes were not at the forefront of my mind. 

While life kept getting in the way this past week, I have been doing well with drinking water.  And as soon as I typed that statement, I realized that I just finished drinking a cherry Fanta.  It's hard to turn down a drink that comes with your meal, but I did drink water earlier today.  I can definitely feel in my body that something needs to change, it's just a challenge to make it happen.  I just keep reminding myself to take it a day at a time and not beat myself up. 

Small Victories

I am feeling much better about this process since I have cut myself little slack. The changes are still difficult, but that's ok.  I weighed myself yesterday and I lost a pound.  A pound does not seem like a lot, but it felt good to me.  Although this was a small victory for me, I still started to think about why my goals were so hard to reach.  Why is it so difficult for me to follow through with the changes I designated for myself?  I already knew that my will power is pretty crappy when it comes to food and exercise, but why?  This is the question I have been contemplating for the past 24 hours or so and I do not yet have an answer.  More to come!

Better Days Ahead

I am feeling much better about my journey to a better me and the changes I have chosen to make.  While I did not stick to every part of my plan, I did have some small victories today.  I chose water, ate a healthier dinner, and I got a little workout during my assistantship today.  I know I walked up and down the stairs at least 10 times. 

I also came to a realization.  I don't have to be so hard on myself when I don't reach my daily goals.  There is always the next day and I only have myself to answer to, which can at times be worse.  This is for me and not anyone else, so I can go at my own pace.  I am not saving babies.  I can mess up and no one will be hurt.  This made me feel much better today about my slow progress.  Besides, slow progress is better than no progress. Small change leads to big change. I made a small change, even if only for the day.  It counts!

Off to a ROUGH Start

Change is HARD!  So far on my journey to a healthier self, I have not stuck to my plan at all.  Honestly, most of it is because I forget that I am supposed to be making changes.  This change has not yet become part of my consciousness.  It is not until I am thinking about my assignments that I think about the changes I am supposed to make to my eating habits and my exercise schedule.  I have yet to step foot in a gym or walk a lap around my complex.  I had juice and soda all weekend.  Part of this had to do with the events I attended (a baby show and a bridal shower), but I could have made better choices while I was there.  I have to figure out how to bring these changes to the forefront of my mind so that they can become part of my routine and lifestyle.  If it was easy, everyone would do it, so they say. Something small that I can do tomorrow would be drinking only water.  Accountability is key as well.  I hope that if someone sees this and sees me with something else other than water, they will call me out.  Let's see how this goes!

Already feeling defeated

Today is day two of my journey and I feel like I am already failing.  For breakfast, I had Honey Nut Cheerios which are not really bad so I felt good about that.  That held me over for all of an hour and I was hungry again.  Because I was at my assistantship, I could not get anything else to eat.  As soon as I left I made a beeline to the first thing I could get my hands on, which ended up being fried chicken at the restaurant in the Georgia Center.  Off to a great start right?  The day goes on and I decided to go to a Mexican restaurant for dinner and went to get a chocolate chunk cookie immediately afterward.  At no point in the day did I even think about the changes I am supposed to be making to my eating habits.  Not once.  As I was walking from the car to the cookie place, all of one block, I felt my legs burning.  That let me further know that I am embarassingly out of shape.  Something must be done.  Feeling extremely discouraged right now.  It's only day 2.  Let's see if I make myself get up for my workout in the morning. 

Today marks the beginning of my challenge to change my life one pound at a time.  Yes, I too am embarking on a weight loss journey.  Big shocker there!  I will not be trying some crazy diet or killing myself in the gym everyday.  I will attempt to accomplish my goal by making small changes that will last a lifetime.  But what exactly is my goal?  I would like to lose 40 pounds over the next four months and decrease my pants size by 4 sizes.  I know most experts urge against watching the scale, but this measure is important to my body because of the excess weight on my bruised knees.  The excess weight is adding additional strain and it causes me pain most days.  Therefore, my goal is two-fold.  40lbs and 4 pants sizes in 4 months.  I hope to reach my goal before Christmas. 

Now how will I do this?  I really do not know.  I know the how's of losing weight, but rarely do I follow through.  What I would like to do is begin by working out 4 days a week:  Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday.  I want to begin with some yoga due to the minimal impact on my knees.  I will also cut out sodas completely, which is not very difficult for me.  I will limit my juice intake to twice a week instead of everyday and drink the recommended eight cups per day of water.  I will also limit my intake of fried foods.

Will these changes be enough to reach my goal?  Who knows. But it is a start and seems much less intimidating and doable than some of the recommended plans.  I would much rather go with something I can do and only lose 20lbs than try something I cannot follow through with and lose nothing.  I have people around me who are willing to workout with me and be supportive so I know that will be helpful.  It is time to make a change!

I am Changing!